So. Much. Anxiety.

It took me a week to ask my coworker if he could connect my computer to the printer. A WEEK! I had no reason to be nervous to ask but my anxiety had me in a chokehold. I had spoken to him numerous times about a variety of topics, he’s a nice dude from what I can tell. But there was something holding me back from asking for help.

My anxiety said, “Megan you’ve had him do so much shit on your computer already, stop asking for help, he’s probably annoyed.” His job is IT guy so it’s what they pay him to do!

On Wednesday and Thursday I had my head between my legs to try and calm myself down because I was so anxious. I tried to listen to some of my favorite pop music to lift me up but it didn’t help.

Every time I get a new job my mental health takes a nose dive. During my 8 hour days I am buzzing with anxiety over speaking to my coworkers and trying to make a good first impression for my boss and supervisor. I leave the office and my mood drops into a depressive state. I force myself to keep busy so I don’t get caught up in my head.

I hope that this anxiety and depression does not last for ages.

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Yes, Another Post About Eating

You wouldn’t think that food would be such a complex thing but it really is. It should be simple but it’s far from it.

Today I felt relatively in control. I didn’t have any major binge sessions but I still overate. I need to get my mind out of the habit of eating a lot. Since my emotional/stress eating was going on for weeks, now I’m in this habit to eat like crazy even if I’m doing fine.

I did really well at work listening to my body for most of the day. The afternoon is where I slipped up but it’s ok. It’s better than doing bad all day!

Tomorrow is a new day where I can try to be better at ignoring my desires to eat more than I need.

What triggered my eating today was being bored. I can get so bored at work if I don’t have a pressing deadline or a busy day. Even if I give myself pretend deadlines, they don’t help because I made them up so I can break them and it doesn’t matter. I try to keep my mind busy but it doesn’t always happen.

I’ve been in a fog at work. It feels like my eyes glaze over and I could fall asleep right at my desk. I don’t know if I need motivation or more coffee but something has got to change because I can hardly get through a work day.

How do you all get through a boring day at work?

In Control for a Day

As I’ve written about in previous posts, I’ve been working through a difficult bout of emotional/stress binge eating.

For the first time in weeks, today I felt in control. It was odd but also great! My mind partially wanted to dive into my bingey habits but I was able to resist them and focus on other tasks at work.

I ate a large soft pretzel as a mid-morning snack which held me over for hours. It seems that if I have something hearty and sustaining the urge to binge isn’t nearly as strong.My body and mind recognize that I’m full and I don’t need anything more.

I feel proud of myself for being in control today! I got a little snackish (a term meaning you want to eat a lot of snacks) once I got home from work. I had some control over myself so I didn’t go crazy.

Keeping up the control is going to be challenging but I hope that I can do it!

Leave me a comment about the best part of your week! I would love to hear how you all are doing 🙂

P.S. — The photo is Animal in “The Muppets Movie” from a few years ago when he’s in anger management and says, “In control.”  Here’s a video clip for reference.