I’m not sure exactly where this feeling stems from but if anybody says that I’m annoying it automatically throws me into a pile of guilt and anxiety.
I ruminate on what I should I have done differently to not be so annoying.
“I should have kept to myself,”
“Why didn’t you take a hint that you were being annoying before it got to this point?,” and
“Of course you are annoying people, Megan! Nobody likes you so why would they want to be around you/hear from drivel?”
If you’re around my age or even a little older you might remember using AOL or MSN Instant Messenger (IM) to chat with your friends and strangers in the 00s and beginning of ’10s before Facebook created its own IM system.
Since I’m working from home I have to communicate with my coworkers via email and Google Chat (it’s IM). In April I was IMing one of my coworkers who I would consider a friend. She and I would message throughout the day chatting about all sorts of things.
Recently she stopped messaging me. I messaged her last week and didn’t get a reply. So I’ve been reflecting on that, wondering if it’s because I am annoying.
God this sounds like I’m in middle school but there’s no buddy icons or cool sound effects!
For the second half of last week I kept beating myself up about it. On repeat I told myself I shouldn’t have been messaging her on such a regular basis. If she wanted to talk to me, she would have reached out on her own!
I imagined in my head that she must have been so annoyed with me. Asking why I am wasting her time, why I am always bothering her and why I can’t take a hint.
Maybe I’m just an annoying person who hasn’t learned to keep her mouth shut.
It’s also possible that something unrelated changed on her end. Maybe she’s busier or more stressed about something. Perhaps there was no hint for you to be able to take.
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That is a possibility! She does have clients to call and make sure are taken care of, maybe there’s a lot going on.
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Hi Megan, It is such a horrible place to be overthinking. For me how I have come to manage this sort of overthinking is as Ashleylia wrote it may be her circumstances, the other is it is OK dont apologise to messaging. There is a lot going on with most peoples lives. I as a single person often forget for friends with families, they are spread so thin sometimes even in normal times. Now many people are spread so thin. OK I may be annoying, but I am me. I am not saying I am annoying mind you like everyone i can be occassionlly.
I have now learnt through help and support that I am me and I accept everything I am. My mental illness is part of me, I know all humans can be annoying. As can pets, transportation, living in general. So For me I just allow myself to be.
I have worked hard to let go of so much and with that my coping methods are stronger for triggers. When I ask myself am I annoying someone, that is my anxiety showing. Especially if I have not heard back from someone, I have developed a ‘ friendly communication with’. be you, if you feel you might if been too much contact draw back and leave it for a couple of days. the other thing is the rumination… when i note I am doing this I do something be it put music on sing dance, sometimes I look a lot deeper and identify the emotion feelings, for me they would generally be lonely, fear, sadness, embarrassment, frightened, resignation, hopelessness, frustration,. this of course is my list and may be nothing like yours,
rumination is horrible and all we can do is identify it let it go and do something else. i do understand it is hard. it takes practice It improves as you know it is a symptom of anxiety.
be kind to yourself Megan.