An Anxious Weekend & Monday

I have been feeling anxious these past few days and today. Since my mental health has been pretty good for a while, it almost feels odd to have the weight of anxiety in my chest again.

On Friday I lied to my mom in order to keep a secret from her. As I’ve written on here multiple times, I’m moving in with my boyfriend this year. But the thing is, my mom doesn’t know and I still live with her.

The woman I have been working with to get a pre-approval letter for a mortgage decided to call my mom’s house phone because she claimed to not have my cell phone number. I’ve been banking at that bank for 10 years, they have my cell number.

Since my mom is completely in the dark about this, she was flabbergasted that somebody was calling about a mortgage for me. So I lied to her face, I couldn’t confess to my secret. I told her it must have been a mix up, another Megan. That the woman made a mistake and that I had no plans of taking out a mortgage.

The reason it is a secret is because my mom would flip out on me. We would fight like crazy. She would kick me out of her house and disown me. She wouldn’t love me or care about me anymore. She would say she only has one child, my brother.

I spoke to my brother about it but he made it worse. He continued to put pressure on me, essentially bully me, into telling my mom the truth on Saturday. Him and I spoke in-person on Sunday where we both said how the situation made us anxious. Ultimately I told him this is my life and this situation doesn’t effect him.

So since all of this going on I have felt so anxious! I have been having trouble sleeping, sleeping during the day because I can’t sleep at night, laying in bed a lot and hiding away in my room. All of the signs that my anxiety is high and my depression is low.

I’m seeing my therapist next week so I want to chat with her about this entire situation. I have no idea how to best go about this so I’m hoping her and I can work through it together.

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