I am in this state where it seems that anxiety and depression are reaching their claws around my mind in a slow and dramatic fashion. Each day it all seems to be getting worse.
The negative thoughts, the inescapable self doubt and physical strain on my body is becoming more frequent. I’m getting to the point where I feel that I’m going to have a depressive episode to kick off 2019.
Who doesn’t love those? -_-
I am a professional ruminator. By that I mean during my low points I have the same few thoughts on repeat. Right now those thoughts are starting.
I’m reading so deeply into every single word and action of the people around me. I am reading everything as signs that they don’t really want to be speaking to me. That they wish I would go away and leave them the hell alone.
I keep thinking that they are sick of me being around. That they wish they never began speaking to me in the first place! That they wish they never started a relationship or friendship with me.
My therapist told me yesterday that just because I have a thought, doesn’t necessarily make it true. She said, “Pretend these thoughts are leaves flowing down a stream. Watch them pass by, don’t pick them up and hold on to them.”
My reply to that was, “I can’t not pick them up! I have a little basket and I collect those leaves. ”
Do you, my beautiful readers, ever feel this way? What do you do to stop ruminating thoughts? Leave me a comment and let me know!
Be Alright 
Wish I had some good advice for you, but I don’t. I’m struggling with the same issue you are: Its nearing the end of the year, it’s the holidays and it’s winter. My three biggest dislikes, I’ve just learned to accept that this is a bad time of the season for me. It starts the day of Thanksgiving and doesn’t end until March. So between this time I take extra special care of myself: I give myself permission to rest as much as I want without feeling “bad” about it. I allow myself the alone time I need during this time without feeling guilty for not being sociable. Lastly, I give myself permission to hibernate without feeling guilty for following through with commitments.
What I’m satisfied is cut yourself a little more slack, you deserve it. You’ll decide to do something different when you’re ready. Until then give yourself some extra special pampering.
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That sucks you’re struggling so much lately 😦 You’re right, it is important to “allow” ourselves to rest when we need to. I hope your holidays start going a little smoother!
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