*TRIGGER WARNING* I’m talking about self-harm today, if you are in a sensitive place please stay safe. Skip this post if you need to!*
I have been ashamed of the physical scars that have been left behind from years of self-harm. Some are fainter than others but all are still reminders of miserable, painful moments in my life. Times where I fell to the bottom hoping I would bounce back up like a ball and not lay there on the ground like a rock.
Each scar was created out of desperation for relief from loneliness, suicidal thoughts and heartbreak. In those moments, cutting myself was what I thought would help me.
When I started hurting myself on my legs I got very nervous about wearing shorts and swim suits in the summertime. I worried that someone would see (whether that be a stranger or someone I know) what I had done to myself. Most of the time I never told anyone I had hurt myself, it was my little secret.
Showing my skin meant my secret was out for the world to see. It was kinda of terrifying.
This past summer I read a few perspectives of others who had a similar problem with scars on their bodies. Some of them said, you know it doesn’t matter, wear what you want and if somebody makes a comment then they’re the asshole. That was a good enough explanation for me so I wore shorts all summer.
I braved the world with my legs out and nobody said a damn thing to me.
If this is something you’re struggling with, if you feel super uncomfortable at the thought of people seeing your scars then cover them up for now. I hope that at some point you will be able to let your guard down and show the world your beautiful skin!
Stay strong! –Megan
Surprisingly not as many people notice as you would worry about, generally the ones that do either don’t know enough to say anything or they know enough to not point it out. There will be kind people that ask with a genuine interest mixed with concern and there will be asshats who treat it as though it was leprosy. Good for you for going out with shorts on, no matter what pain or obstacle you and your body have been through – be proud to be on the other side, a triumph shown through what is now art on your skin.
I never thought of scars to be art. Hmmm I like your positive perspective, Buzzkill.
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