Falling back

Trauma can trigger awful things that you never imagined.

I was in a car crash last week. My car was totaled by a college kid who forgot that you’re supposed to use a turn signal before you make a turn. Everything happened so quickly. One moment I’m driving along and the next I hear a car alarm going off and lights flashing from an ambulance. I did not expect him to hit me so I was completely taken off guard.

action asphalt automobile automotive

Let’s skip to the next day.

I’m not sure if one’s mental state correlates with their physical one, but I hit such a low point mentally for about four days after the crash. I had whiplash which had me laying in bed the entire day after the crash due to the pain. While I was laying in bed, my mood began in sink lower and lower.

I fell back into my typical habits when I’m depressed: lay in bed, hide away from my family, overthink and ruminate on negative thoughts.

I felt like a failure even though the situation I am in is not my fault. I kept thinking again and again about how I’m a failure because somebody else totaled my car.

As I’m looking back on those last few days, the thoughts I was having do not define me. They are not even true! They were a bump in the road that I have gotten over. Damn I wish my usual experiences with depression were over this quickly!

I never thought I would have fell back into a short state of depression because of the crash. This has taught me that trauma (yes, even something like a crash) can bring out the worst parts of us, it can dig up your darkest thoughts and rub it in your face.

Have you experienced something traumatic like a car crash or losing a job that made you fall back into old habits?

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